101 Ways to Get Kicked Out of ThunderClan
by Snowfall16
Summary: What if a cat wished to get kicked out of ThunderClan? What if a cat wanted to humiliate Firestar? Here are some ideas of what to do. Rated T just in case. Please R&R!
1. Slap Firestar with a rubber glove

**Disclaimers:**** I do not own Warriors, and I give credit for the idea to Iamablackbeltinfirebending.**

**Slap Firestar with a rubber glove.**

Firestar sat in his den, grooming his flaming pelt with his pink tongue. The hot Greenleaf sunlight streamed in through the entrance of the cave, illuminating his den. He looked up as he heard a cat entering, and was shocked by what he saw.

He had recently appointed Shadowflicker to a warrior, and was impressed by his effort and determination to help ThunderClan. He was therefore astonished to see Shadowflicker standing in the entrance, holding a Twoleg item in his jaws.

Shadowflicker bounded over to Firestar and dropped the _thing_ on the ground, straightening up with a proud smile on his face. He shoved his paw into the opening in the rubbery object before opening his mouth to speak.

"I have a rubber glove, Firestar!" he yowled happily, "Now you're going down in shame!"

Firestar didn't even have time to reply. Shadowflicker lunged forward, raising his paw, and swiped the glove across Firestar's face.

A searing pain erupted along Firestar's eyes and muzzle, causing him to stagger backwards, struck dumb by the blow.

As he regained his senses, he managed to yowl through numb lips, "You're exiled! I don't care what you think, you're off the territory! I'll give you until the sunset patrol, and then my warriors will have permission to kill you!"


	2. Pour hot sauce on the freshkill pile

**Pour hot sauce on the fresh-kill pile in Leafbare.**

Nightpool, a ThunderClan warrior, padded into the snowy camp with something clutched in her jaws.

At the first glance, it looked like a piece of fresh-kill. After the first glance, the cats started thinking "_Is fresh-kill that long and round?"_ The second glance revealed that it was a long mouse, its tail drooping to the ground and its body round. As the cats' heads swiveled around for a third time, they realized that it was something round and long, stuffed inside a mouse's body.

Nightpool, unaware of the muttering around her, padded over to the small fresh-kill pile and spent a very long time putting the mouse on the pile. She seemed to be dripping something out through the mouse's open mouth, seeping through the pile of precious prey.

She finally found the right spot and set it down, before returning to the warriors den. Every cat asked her what was in the mouse, but she ignored them all, settling down in her nest and plucking a small shrew out from the depths of the moss.

Quickly, she ate her fresh-kill, and then returned to the clearing to share tongues with her Clanmates. Whispers followed her as she headed for a clear patch of ground, free of snow. She settled down to enjoy the show, watching any cat near the fresh-kill pile.

First, an apprentice scurried over and picked up a small, scrawny mouse. He raced over to where Firestar, the leader, was emerging from his den. Firestar thanked the apprentice and settled down next to Sandstorm, his mate, to eat the kill.

Nighpool's heartbeat quickened as she stared at Firestar. He bent his noble head and took a large bite of the mouse, filling his mouth. He swallowed, licked his lips, and began lowering his head once more to tear away another mouthful, but paused, a funny expression on his face.

Suddenly, he began coughing, spit flying from his mouth. He took great, heaving breaths, and finally breathed a jet of fire, singing the frozen grass and melting the snow. He raced to a frozen puddle and began trying to drink water, but his tongue got stuck and he couldn't pull away.

Nightpool was cracking up with silent laughter in her corner, rolling over and over. Firestar glared around at the cats, saw Nightpool, and his eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Nightpool, you're banished from ThunderClan for putting hot stuff on the fresh-kill pile!" he managed to roar, before trying to pull his tongue away again.


	3. Bring a Stuffed Dog into Camp

**Bring a Stuffed Dog into Camp**

Dragontail, a ThunderClan warrior, was returning to camp on a normal Greenleaf day, his grunts echoing through the silent trees. He was pushing something large and hairy towards the camp.

As he reached the entrance, the cat guarding the tunnel shrieked a warning to her Clan and raced back inside, her tail between her legs. Chuckling to himself, Dragontail shoved the dog forward, and it slid into the camp.

At once, yowls and cries of shock and terror exploded from the hollow as cats began running everywhere. Dragontail bounded forward and entered the camp.

The stuffed dog he had brought from the Twolegplace was standing in the center of the stone hollow, the cats wailing their heads off while dancing in circles, trying to get away from it.

"Stop! What happened?" a commanding voice meowed from the Highledge. Firestar was standing there, fire lighting his gaze.

"Oh, Firestar, you're here!" Dragontail called, "Come to steal all the glory and save the day, as always! Why don't you leave it to some other cat for once?"

Firestar narrowed his eyes dangerously. "Very well, you can attack the dog by yourself."

Dragontail padded forward and easily knocked the dog to the ground, sitting on its head. "Well, that seemed easy enough. I guess the great Firestar chickened out." He turned to the other cats and said, "You call this cat your leader?"

Firestar spat vengeance and fury, but managed to growl, "You brought this dog in, didn't you?"

Dragontail nodded, licking his fur unconcernedly.

Firestar unsheathed his claws, scraping them on the rocks below his paws. "You are banished from ThunderClan, Dragontail!"

Dragontail stood, glanced scathingly over his shoulder, and then padded out of the entrance.


	4. Throw bricks at Firestar

**Throw bricks at Firestar**

Sandwing, an ex-kittypet, was sitting near the camp wall. She had joined ThunderClan to abuse Firestar, and she had planned it all carefully.

She had hidden bricks, stolen from Twolegs, hidden over the camp. At the moment, she was sitting on one, staring across the clearing at Firestar. He was looking at her, and then he turned, and began talking to Squirrelflight. Now was the time to do it.

Sandwing stood, grabbed the brick, and hurled it through the air at Firestar. It landed on his paw, causing him to hop up and down, squealing like a kit. All heads turned to him, creating a free passage to where the next brick was hidden.

Sandwing flung the brick at Firestar, hitting him on the tail. He began doing a stupid little twirl-dance, hopping up and down. Laughing softly, she slipped through two gawping toms to where her third brick lay, hidden in a tangle of ferns. It hit Firestar on the shoulder, and he fell to the ground, twitching.

Sandwing pulled the final brick from a hole in the gorse barrier and advanced slowly to his side. Firestar looked up at her, his face filled with agony. When he saw her, his eyes narrowed angrily.

"You," he spat.

"Me," Sandwing purred.

"You're banished!" he yowled.

"OK," Sandwing meowed, before dropping the last brick on Firestar's nose.

As she leaped through the camp entrance, she heard his cries of pain echoing through the air behind her. She turned, shot a last, triumphant look at Firestar, and dove into the underbrush.


	5. Tell the Kits That Badgers Are Friendly

**Tell the Kits That Badgers Are Friendly**

Shadowflare, an ex-ThunderClan warrior, sneaked through the trees. He was intent on joining the Clan once more.

"Hey!" a cat yowled, his shout echoing through the forest, bounding over, "You were exiled! What are you doing here?"

Shadowflare bent his head and meowed, "I seek to rejoin your noble Clan."

The tom narrowed his eyes, then turned and led the way to the camp, calling over his shoulder, "Firestar will have to decide that. I can't do such a thing."

Shadowflare smiled triumphantly and bounded after the cat. They entered the ThunderClan camp, with its high, gorse barriers and hard packed ground. He sidled over to the nursery, where the kits were playing.

"Hey, guess what?" he whispered out of the corner of his mouth.

The kits turned, and a particularly bold-looking one mewled, "What?"

"Badgers are friendly!" Shadowflare purred, winking at the kit.

"Shadowflare, what are you doing?" the tom called from up ahead.

"I'm just talking to the kits," Shadowflare meowed quickly. The tom shrugged and led him forward, into the leaders den under the Highledge.

"Shadowflare, you've returned," Firestar meowed. He was sitting on his mossy nest, gazing at his ex-warrior in disgust.

"I want to join your Clan," Shadowflare meowed, staring Firestar straight in his green eyes.

"Hmm…" Firestar muttered, "I'll think about–" He was interrupted by a loud snarling noise from outside.

Shadowflare dashed out and saw, to his delight, that his plan had worked. A large badger was standing in the clearing, teeth gnashing, trying to reach four kits, perched on its back. The kits were squealing happily, hanging on with their tiny claws.

Firestar burst out of the leaders den and stood, his mouth hanging wide open in astonishment. Shadowflare shoved Firestar over, then leaped forward, pushing the kits off to safety.

"Shadowflare! Did you plan this?" Firestar yowled angrily.

"Yep," Shadowflare meowed unconcernedly.

"You're banished!" Firestar shrieked, his eyes sparking with vicious vengeance.

"So, you fall over, therefore not helping, and then banish the hero who saved the day?" Shadowflare smirked. He turned and left, leaving Firestar to his confused Clanmates, who were starting to doubt his leadership at last.


	6. Throw Walnuts into Camp

**Author's Note: I understand that many of you love Firestar, but I've decided to torture him. This is meant to be funny, so please don't criticize the way I'm taking this story.**

**Throw Walnuts into Camp and Yowl "The sky is falling!"**

Dangerpaw was a normal ThunderClan apprentice, with his average hunting and fighting. He was nothing out of the ordinary except for his lifelong ambition – to get kicked out of the Clan.

He had been plotting several ways during his seven moons in ThunderClan, and he was going to try out his strategy at sunset. He was prepared and ready, with nuts hidden at the top of the stone hollow. He just needed to wait for the right time.

The cats began gathering around the fresh-kill pile to share tongues and eat, and Dangerpaw knew it was time. Quietly, he slunk over to a hidden exit on the side of the hollow. He pushed through the foliage blocking it and began climbing up through the tumbled rocks, all the way to the top.

Dangerpaw paused to catch his breath before padding off along the side of the hollow to where a large tree stood, filled with nuts. Smiling to himself, Dangerpaw pulled on a few vines and they fell away, clearing the way for a tidal wave of walnuts, which streamed out and over the side of the hollow.

Swiftly, Dangerpaw leaped to the next tree, pulled the brambles away, and more walnuts cascaded over the sides of the hollow. Again and again, Dangerpaw swept aside the foliage blocking the walnuts, which poured into the stone hollow and out of sight.

When the last tree had been freed of the nuts, Dangerpaw stood on a large fallen tree and yowled, "The sky is falling! Run for your life!"

Below him, shocked yowls rose from the crowd of cats, who all began running in every direction, shrieking their heads off. Dangerpaw purred in delight and slipped back into the hollow to join his Clanmates.

When the last few walnuts had bounced onto the ground and the flood of nuts had created a flood a tail-length high, Firestar leaped awkwardly onto the Highledge and cried, "Who did this to us?"

Dangerpaw stepped forward, his eyes shining in rebellion and his tail raised high into the air. "I did it," he yowled, loud enough for every cat to hear.

Firestar's eyes narrowed and he shrieked, "You're banished! Get out of here!"

Dangerpaw raised his eyes to Firestar's blazing green ones and meowed, "Fine. It seems you're too hysterical to do anything else, anyway." Smirking to himself, Dangerpaw padded slowly out of the hollow, leaving his ex-Clanmates to clean up the nuts.


	7. Tie a Balloon to a Kit's Tail

**Tie a Balloon to a Kit's Tail**

Emberfoot padded into the camp with his jaws clamped around a small item that was hidden in his mouth. He was acting oddly – jumping at the slightest noise and acting skittish, a slightly guilty expression on his face.

He hurried to the nursery and pulled out a kit, bending down to work with the small item. Soon, he straightened up and took the kit to a deserted corner of the camp, hidden out of sight. Once he was sure the kit was secure, he bounded across to Firestar's den, drawing many curious glances from the other cats.

Firestar was sitting in his nest, washing his flaming orange fur. He looked up as Emberfoot entered, a puzzled expression on his face.

"Emberfoot, what–"

"Firestar!" Emberfoot butted in, "A kit is in trouble!"

Firestar's jaw dropped, his mouth wide open. He closed his mouth, opened it, and then closed it. He seemed to have lost his voice due to shock.

"Come see!" Emberfoot meowed, leading Firestar out onto the Highledge. He leaped down and sprinted across to where the kit was held, released it, and moved back to see.

The kit slowly appeared over the top of the nursery, his tail tied to a round, violently pink balloon. He opened his eyes sleepily, saw where he was, and let out a shriek of terror. He began twisting and turning, trying to break free.

Emberfoot leaped up, grabbed the kit, and landed on a huge boulder. He looked up at Firestar, holding the kit, and meowed, "I'll cut the kit loose if I get preparations for my exile."

Firestar stared in shock, found his voice, and blurted out, "Fine. You're exiled, but you'll get travelling herbs and fresh-kill."


	8. TieDye the Deputy's Tail Purple

**Tie-Dye the Deputy's Tail Purple**

Firestar looked around at his den, stocked with practical joke items. His eyes landed on a tub of purple dye, and an idea popped into his head. He stuck his head out of the den and searched the stone hollow. _There._

"Brambleclaw, could you come here a moment?" he yowled over the heads of the cats. Brambleclaw looked up, nodded, and padded across the clearing.

Quickly, Firestar stuffed his practical jokes out of sight, leaving the purple dye right beside the den entrance, so that Brambleclaw couldn't see it when he entered the cave. As soon as Firestar sat in his nest again, Brambleclaw padded in.

"What is it, Firestar?" Brambleclaw asked curiously.

"Brambleclaw, I've picked up some scents of WindClan around the borders, and they seem to be marking every blade of grass. They might be planning an invasion. I want moonhigh patrols along that border." As Firestar spoke, he pulled a hidden string in his nest, causing the purple dye to spill over Brambleclaw's tail.

"OK – wait, what?" Brambleclaw shrieked, whipping around to stare at his tail. Firestar pulled the string again, and the entire tub of dye washed over his deputy.

Firestar let out an evil cackle, "MUAHAHAHA! Now you will always be purple! You are freed from your father's cursed fur! MUAHAHAHA!"

Brambleclaw stared at Firestar, opening his mouth to say something, but Firestar cut across him.

"You can't banish me, I'm leader! You have to keep me in the Clan!"

Brambleclaw sighed and padded out of the den again, leaving Firestar laughing maniacally in his den.


	9. Steal a Taco from a Twoleg in Leafbare

**Steal a Taco From a Twoleg in Leafbare**

Twigtail didn't really like Firestar. He didn't like Mousefur much, either. He had decided to do something that could use both of his dislikes to his advantage and amusement.

He bounded through the Twolegplace, searching for the right thing. It was hard to keep his balance, due to the snow and ice on the ground, but he could stand the slippery ground. If only he could find something good!

Finally, he came to a Mexican restaurant. As a Twoleg walked out, he lunged forward and grabbed its taco. Its yowls pursued him up the street and back into the forest.

Twigtail trotted into the stone hollow, the taco gripped firmly in his jaws. He glanced over at the fresh-kill pile as he entered, and saw there was nothing left. Perfect.

He bounded into the elders den and stopped in front of Mousefur. "Wake up, Mousefur. I brought something."

Mousefur twitched irritably, but raised her head all the same. "Is it food?" she growled.

"Yep!" Twigtail replied.

"Give it to me!" Mousefur yowled, leaping at him.

Twigtail danced out of reach. "I said I brought something. I didn't say I brought something for you."

Mousefur shrieked indignantly. She pursued him across the clearing and into Firestar's den. Twigtail dropped the taco at Firestar's paws and hid in the shadows as Mousefur appeared at the entrance.

"Where is my food?" she yowled.

"Um…" Firestar meowed, looking bewildered.

"Firestar stole your taco!" Twigtail screeched.

Mousefur dove at Firestar. "Give me my taco!" she yowled.

Firestar's expression changed from one of confusion to one of understanding. "You planned this!" he cried, "Now you are banished from ThunderClan!"


	10. Party with ShadowClan

**Party with ShadowClan**

Featherclaw looked around the camp. She knew what she had to do.

Padding quickly across the stone hollow, she bounded up the rocks to the Highledge. From there, she slipped into Firestar's den.

Featherclaw grabbed a disco ball as well as several pom-poms, before backing out of the den and racing through the camp and pushing her way through the thorn tunnel.

She scampered up the ravine beyond and sprinted between the trees and underbrush until she reached the ShadowClan border. She didn't even break her stride as she crossed the invisible line and plunged into the pine trees.

The ShadowClan camp loomed before her. Entering through the camp entrance, Featherclaw dropped the disco ball and pom-poms and yowled, "I have Firestar's disco ball and pom-poms! It's party time!"

The ShadowClan cats cheered and gathered around her, lifting her into the air.

"What is this?" an extremely angry voice yowled, silencing the ShadowClan cats. Firestar stared around, looking perfectly dangerous. "Who did this?" he growled.

All heads turned to Featherclaw. She sighed, but knew they would blame her anyway.

"It was me."

Firestar's eyes bulged as his eyes found her and his mouth formed the word "You!"

"Me," Featherclaw replied, staring defiantly at her leader.

"You're banished from ThunderClan!" Firestar shrieked.

"Great!" Featherclaw exclaimed, "I'll just join ShadowClan then!"


	11. Steal Firestar's Bunny Slippers

**Steal Firestar's Bunny Slippers**

Vinesplash padded into the leaders den and glanced around. He saw what he was looking for and snatched it up, before backing out of the den and onto the Highledge.

"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey join here beneath the Highledge for a Clan meeting!" he yowled in a very good imitation of Firestar's voice.

The cats of ThunderClan gathered below the ledge, looking up at him. Vinesplash was pleased to see Firestar standing next to Sandstorm, a confused look on his face. He murmured something to Sandstorm, and she nodded and nudged him forward.

"Hey, you're not Firestar!" a cat called out.

"Yes, you're right," Vinesplash called back, "I have come here to make a very important announcement."

There was silence in the clearing, except for the clacking of small pebbles falling as Firestar climbed the boulders which led to his den.

Vinesplash took a deep, dramatic breath and cried out, "Firestar wears bunny slippers!"

Firestar, who had just leaped onto the Highledge, staggered upon landing so he almost fell off. A cat let out a nervous giggle, and then more and more cats started laughing.

Firestar looked so mad he might push Vinesplash off the Highledge, so Vinesplash pushed past his leader and bounded down into the main clearing. He threw two white, fluffy objects into the air – the slippers.

A gray cat caught one, and a tortoiseshell cat and a brown tabby cat caught the other, and then proceeded to fight over it. All the other cats were slapping their tails to the ground, rolling on the ground and laughing, or just sitting there looking stupid.

Firestar's voice rose above the chaos, "Vinesplash is banished from the Clan! Brambleclaw, get me my slippers!"

As Vinesplash raced for the entrance tunnel, he looked back to see the deputy trying to tug a slipper from the resilient brown tabby.


End file.
